I do declare, Attorney General Jefferson Beauregard Sessions III has brought considerable shame upon the honor of his southern heritage. Why, if he stands by and allows the federal government to infringe on the rights of states to make a little ol’ weed a legal and taxable commodity then he may as well take up with the damn Yankees! His dignity, I say, his very dignity is called into question by directing the U.S. Justice Department to flout the sovereign wishes of 29 members of this so-called Union and attempt to prosecute those in the humble business of cannabis harvestin’.
Why, I’d venture to guess that if President Jefferson Davis — a simple cotton farmer and the man Mr. Sessions, his daddy before him and his granddaddy before him were named after — was to hear that his namesake was defendin’ the federal government’s prohibition of a lucrative cash crop, why, he’d a be rollin’ in his ol’ Virginia grave! Does the Attorney General not remember that his kinfolk fought and died defendin’ states’ rights under the proud banner of Dixie? Or does he think that the Civil War was fought over somethin’ silly like slavery? Frankly, I do suppose that if you were to ask him, he’d say somethin’ like: “I do not recall ...”