Recently, I found an interesting article in a widely circulated, nationally known magazine, which contained the following information relating to an over-zealous rural police department.
"The fine for driving with a chipped tail light in New Rome, Ohio, is $55. For driving too slowly: $90. For backing up improperly: $90. For having a loud muffler: $55. For having tinted windows: $105. For driving with a dim license plate bulb: $55. For hitchhiking: $135. Total traffic fines for the town of New Rome, Ohio in 2001: $377,650. The total population of New Rome: 60."
I disclose this information for one simple reason; though they are courageous, vigilant, tough, and great in sheer numbers, the devoted officers of the Stanfield Police Department don't hold a candle to the Street Soldiers of New Rome, Ohio.
I recommend a new direction for the crime fighters of zip code 97875. Think revenue! Forget the speeding quotas and consider the vast array of traffic violations that you choose to let slide, because it's all about money in the long run. Right?
Why limit yourselves to the dastardly criminal who has his way with your 30 mph speed limit and chooses to cruise at 33 mph. Use your plethora of "state of the art" cruisers (the ones we bought for you) to engage the enemy with full force. Chipped taillights, slow rollers, drunk truckers, spun out hippies riding 10 deep in a four-seater Datsun. Go out and get em' boys!
If you shift your focus from elderly women without seatbelts to young males trafficking meth, you just might put Stanfield on the map. So here's to the heroes of Highway 395, and cheers to the armchair cops of a small town on the verge of a boom. If you pull over a few more grandma's and dope dealers, you might be able to pay for an aquatic center, or at least draw in a few more antique shops.
Just so happens that I have family all over this beautiful part of Oregon, and can't help passing through your fabulous city.
Neal A. Correa